Time Waits For No One...

 Wow, just wow. Where has the time gone? Life has been a roller coaster ride the last few years. I can't believe I'm even saying that...a few years?! Not sure how that's even possible! It feels like only yesterday that I published The Mad Alice.

But anyway...today is a new day, and we're at the beginning of a new year, and hopefully it'll be better than the last! 

So what's on the agenda? Well, a few things! Virginia White has been neglected long enough and I'm currently working on finishing her series. The third book, The Chip, is in the editing stages and should be published soon! I am currently writing the final book, The Piece, which I am really excited for. Since the series was originally planned to go much longer, The Piece is visiting two storylines and will most likely be the longest of the series. But I'm really, really liking how it's coming together! I was a little leery of trying to put the plots together into one book, but it feels reminiscent of the first book The Disk, which has me excited to see the series come full circle! It's going to be really hard to say goodbye to Virginia, but I think it'll be good to finally see her have some closure. Once The Virginia White Chronicles is finished, I will be focusing on Fear & Fairy Tales.

To my shock, I realized this year marks the 10 year anniversary of when I published my first book, Dog Days of Summer! 10 years...unbelievable! When I realized that, I decided it's time to finally do something I've been putting on the backburner since day 1: paperbacks! I've got the ball rolling and am planning to release paperbacks of Moonridge Memories this year, and if all goes well, I'd like to make them for all the ebooks I currently have published. I'm really excited for this and hoping all goes well. It's a lot of work, but it'll be worth it in the end. I was always extremely intimidated by the amount of time it would take to reformat my books for paperback, but fortunately I found a wonderful website that takes a lot of the tedium out of it. So now the work is mostly in redoing the covers. I didn't plan ahead so I have no wraparound covers for my books, so it's basically trying to retrofit my current covers into the measurements of a paperback. I think I'm up to the challenge though! Moonridge Memories, with the exception of the 4-book collection, have already been redone and in the process of being proofed and submitted for publication! Hoping to have them done by the end of February or beginning of March. 

Whew! I think that covers everything for now! Back to work! 😊💻✍

Emerging From The Shadows...

Almost six months have passed since my last blog post, and that's really hard for me to believe. The way time passes so quickly is a bit scary honestly. But anyway...

There are a couple reasons why I haven't blogged in so long. First, I was and still am embarrassed about missing deadlines yet again. I kept thinking that any day now I would catch up and release the book(s) that I announced, and it just didn't happen. So much going on in my personal life that robs me of the time and energy and mental capacity to write.

Which leads me to my second point: depression. I can't blog or do anything remotely social when I'm depressed. I'm sure I've talked about it before, but I've been dealing with general and social anxiety for most of my life. Everyday I fight to overcome it, to deal with what life throws at me, to be productive in some manner, but there usually comes a time when I lose that fight. And then, in turn, I'm faced with depression, which robs me of everything.

It's not just about not finding joy in things or not having a passion for writing; it robs me of feeling anything. When I'm sad or angry, I'm still capable of writing, as it's usually pretty therapeutic. I don't mind the "negative" emotions, as it can still ignite a passion to write--sometimes even moreso than when I'm feeling ok.

When depression hits, I'm basically just a hollow shell. I don't feel anything, I don't care about anything, everything seems pointless. I'm totally numb. This usually stems from my anxiety getting so high, that my mind just shuts down, probably as a form of self-preservation. My only saving grace through it all, is that I know it will pass. But I've been noticing a trend lately where it's not passing as quickly as it once did. It could be part of getting older, it could be that there's more stuff that overwhelms me on a daily basis, I'm not sure. Once it does pass, I start feeling anxious and worried about how long it took to pass, and so the vicious cycle begins.

I know this is probably way too much information, and to some, it might sound like I'm making an excuse. To which, all I can say is, I won't be announcing anymore release dates. I think I may have made this claim before, but this time I have to mean it and stick with it. Because not only isn't it fair to you, the readers, who are awaiting the release of my next book(s), it's not fair to me to put added pressure and anxiety on myself.

I love writing and I love sharing my stories, and I never want to get to the point where I resent it. Books are a great escape for authors and readers alike, and I never want that escape pod to feel like a prison cell.

I appreciate your patience and understanding. More books are coming, I promise you. I just can't promise a certain date.

As always, take care of yourself. If you too are suffering from depression, remember that even in the darkest of times, there is always the glimmering light of hope. There is no shame in seeking help. Life is precious...your life is precious.

Happy New Year!

Wow, another year gone! It's crazy to me how fast time goes.

Anyway...

I hope everyone had a great holiday season. I know I haven't updated since October, but these last couple of months flew by with just so much going on in my personal life. But I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about the future, because that is what I'm really trying to focus on. I've wasted enough time beating myself up for not being productive enough over the last year, even though a lot of stuff was beyond my control, namely health issues. I'm not 100% but I'm hoping to get back to work very very soon. With a little luck, I'm really hoping to be able to release a lot more books in 2016 and play catch-up a bit. I know The Vampire's Castle was due out months ago, and it, along with several other projects, had to be shelved while I focused on getting better. That book, as well its sequels, are my top priority right now, and my current goal is to get them released over the next few months.

For now, I'm not going to talk about other books I'd like to release this year. I need to take it one day at a time and not overwhelm myself too much. Suffice it to say, I have no shortage of stories I want to tell and even ones that I've already penned that are on my looong to-do list to publish. I have a lot of work ahead of me and I am eager to get started. But I've also learned a valuable lesson in making sure to take care of myself first. And that was a tough lesson to learn because I tend to be very hard on myself. I tend to push myself past my limits, and I realize now that's a foolish thing to do. We live in a very fast-paced world, and I often get very overwhelmed with the idea that time is running out or that I'm falling behind. And that leads to a lot of negative thinking that only ends up derailing me all the more.

So, I'm trying to slow down in all aspects of my life. In fact, that is my resolution for 2016. Basically, I want to have time to stop and think clearly, time to stop and smell the roses. There are so many authors now who publish very frequently, and it creates a very competitive atmosphere in this business. But I remember when I was young, I wrote a lot, but I still took the time to really live with each of my stories. They weren't products to be churned out. They were escape pods to all sorts of different worlds, a vacation from the harshness of real life. I didn't write a lot to meet a deadline or because I was "falling behind" compared to this author or that author. I wrote a lot because they were stories I wanted to escape to and worlds I wanted to frequently visit. I don't want writing or publishing to be a source of stress and anxiety. I was letting a lot of self-doubt creep in, which can be quite crippling in any creative endeavor. So part of my resolution in 2016 is to write freely again and have fun with it. It's easy to get burdened by small details and the pursuit of perfection when creating something, but really I just want to tell stories. That's all I've ever wanted. So, I'm going to try to do just that and not get weighed down by fear or doubt.

When I started this blog post, I didn't plan to get into all of this, but I've kept a lot of it bottled up for awhile and it feels good to get it off my chest. 2015 was a lousy year for me, and oddly enough, I've heard the same from so many people. I hope that your 2015 wasn't so bad, but if it was, let's try to make 2016 much, much better. As important as I believe it is to be kind to one another, I think it's as important to remember to be kind to yourself. With each passing year, I think it's easy to reflect back and think about all the things you didn't do, didn't accomplish, and don't have. We, as human beings, just need to be gentler with ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves for what might be considered failures and move on and learn from our mistakes. Dwelling on the things that can't be changed is only wasting precious time now on things you can change. And this is something that I, myself, am going to try really hard to do.

So, with all that said, Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a (hopefully) phenomenal 2016!

Quick Update

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, and I'm sorry for that, but I have to keep this brief. Unfortunately, my next book, The Vampire's Castle, will be delayed until further notice. I'm dealing with an illness, and I really have to focus on getting better, which means lots of rest and reducing stress. I kept postponing this post in the hopes I would feel well enough to get back to work, and it just isn't happening. It's hard to believe October is almost over already. Hoping November will be much better.

On a happier note, I was able to publish the entire Halloween Street Collection at the end of September, so if you missed out on reading it last year or wish to re-read it in full, it's available on Amazon, both to buy and borrow (via Kindle Unlimited).

I will post further updates as soon as I can.

Long Time, No See

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted last. Let me start by apologizing for my absence. I had so many plans for 2015, and suddenly life threw me some curveballs that made it very difficult to write as much as I wanted to. I believe I've mentioned before that I don't really like delving into my personal life, especially when other people are involved whose privacy I wish to respect, but suffice it to say, 2015 has been rough on me so far. I admire people who are able to compartmentalize their life and their work and everything going on. Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I tend to set priorities and focus on what's most important at the time. Sadly, for the past five or so months that wasn't writing and publishing :(

I'm trying to move on now, slowly get back on track, and start releasing again soon. I feel so bad for delaying The Rook, the second book in the Virginia White Chronicles. Although I had always planned to make it a "slow release series", perhaps one released every 6 months to a year, I've exceeded that time, and I'm very sorry for those who are waiting for it. The good news is, it will be out in early May. I'm just wrapping up the finishing touches now.

In my last post, I talked a bit about postponing the release of The Vampire's Castle, my first horror novel. Now that we're almost halfway through the year (time flies, fun or no fun), I've decided to just wait to release it in October, the spooky time of the year. It'll be the first book in the Monster Entries trilogy, and if all goes according to plan, I will release the second and third books in November and December, so that the books come out only one month apart.

Lastly, I do have a project that I would LOVE to release this summer, but I'm hesitant to announce it in detail right now. All I will say is, it's in the horror genre and a different type of story format than I'm used to, which is both nerve-wracking and exciting! I'm gonna keep it hush-hush for now, just in case it falls through due to circumstances out of my control.  I don't want to continue to make deadlines and promises I'm not able to keep. But as soon as I'm more confident about the project getting finished, I will post the details.

As always, I want to thank all my wonderful readers. Even though I don't blog much and am hopeless at social media, I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

A Heart To Heart

So, it's November 30th, and before starting this blog post, I was staring blankly at The Rook manuscript that is still in need of an ending. I'm someone who likes to keep her private life, well...private, but because this isn't the first time I've missed a deadline, I feel like I need to explain myself.

For years I've struggled with anxiety and depression. Most of the time I can write through it. But other times, I shut down. The first few days of November I felt really gung-ho, ready to work on something new after Halloween Street wrapped, and in a good frame of mind. I don't know what happened exactly, but it all came crashing down...hard. Honestly, I don't know where November went. I feel like I was absent for it.

I loved writing and releasing Halloween Street, but I realize now I should've taken some time off after October. I didn't realize just how mentally exhausted I was from the work itself and the stress of publishing everyday (especially when Amazon's publishing service was having big delays towards the end).
Earlier in the week when I posted my last blog post, I felt ok...not great, but ok. I really felt like I would have no problems finishing up The Rook and releasing it this weekend. Then on Thanksgiving I got a migraine that lasted through yesterday. Today I feel better physically, but there's still a brain fog going on and I'm struggling to deal with depression again.

I'll readily admit, writing this blog post is not easy for me. I thrive to keep my personal and professional life separate. But deadlines have become my worst enemy, feed into my feelings of failure, and overall do little good for my mental state. That's why I'm abandoning them now. I may set personal deadlines, but I'm no longer announcing release dates until the book is 100% ready to go. I feel like this is something I need to do for my own sanity and well-being.

That being said, I'm not announcing any releases for December. Just typing that out scares me a little to be honest. I'm not good at letting myself off the hook, so to speak. But I feel like I need to time to figure things out, fight this depression, and look after my health. I have a lot of plans for 2015 that I'm hoping I can still follow through with, and I feel like if I don't take this time now, I'm not going to be able accomplish even a fraction of them. I need this time to regroup, something I should've allowed myself to do in November, and instead broke down.

This is going to sound odd as well, but I might as well throw it out there too while I'm in the sharing mood. I wrote the first draft to The Vampire's Castle years ago during a tough time in my life. When I went to revisit it, rewrite it, and polish it up for publication, I realized I wasn't mentally prepared to go back to that time again. A lot of memories came flooding back, literally while rewriting the first paragraph. It saddens me, because I love the story and I hate that it's associated with a difficult time. I thought breathing new life into it would help to take the sting out of it, but I'm not ready to go there yet. For this reason, I'm delaying the series indefinitely. I might just have to work on it in pieces at a time until it's finished. Fortunately, I don't have so many hang ups with the sequels, so once I get through the first book, it should be smoother sailing.

I know this blog post is probably a bit of a downer, and I'm sorry for that. I just felt like I couldn't keep going on in the same way, making and breaking deadlines, without giving the honest reason. It's a tough topic to talk about, and I know there's many out there who struggle with these issues as well, but I also know there's still a stigma surrounding depression and other mental disorders. That's why I've never talked about it in detail and how it relates to my ability to write/publish. I love writing and I hate when anything gets in the way of it, but forcing myself to write when I'm deeply depressed saps the joy out of it. I'm not willing to sacrifice that anymore.

I hope you all can understand, and I also hope to be back with a new release soon enough. No deadlines, no pressure...just hope. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Turning 30...

Well, today is May 16, and that makes me 30 years-old. Gasp! Why is turning 30 such a cause of anxiety for so many people, especially women? As sad as it sounds, my twenties were nothing special. In my twenties, I just wished I was a teenager again. When I was a teenager, I wished I was a kid again. And now at thirty, I'm wishing I was still in my twenties. But why, if by my own admission, my twenties were nothing special?

Life is a race against the clock. There is only so much time for the things we love to do and people we love to spend time with. For unwed and childless women in their thirties, the clock seems to start ticking much faster. This is where I'm at. What I once thought I had plenty of time to think about and consider, now feels like time is up and it's time for decisions. The funny thing is that marriage and having kids never took priority in my life before, so why now? Yesterday I was 29 and wasn't in a hurry to start that chapter of my life (if I ever decide to start that chapter), and yet one day later, I feel like I have to hurry up and chase after these things. I know it's illogical and silly, and yet my mind won't stop badgering me with the ticking clock--the clock that's saying "Time is running out."

If I feel like this at 30, how will I feel at 40? Or 60? Or 80? Will I even make it that long?

The rules of life are there are no rules. Normality doesn't really exist. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. The best we can do is make the best of what we're given and try to do the things that make us happy. Writing makes me happy. For more than fifteen years, I've known that all I wanted out of life was to write and one day make a living at it. Well, I'm still working on the last part, but for the first time, it seems like a possible dream. I've accomplished more in the past year than I thought was possible. I've written and published three books, with a fourth on the way.

So why have I been dreading turning 30? 30 is starting to look pretty good!

So here's to turning 30! If you're turning 30 this year, think about what you've accomplished and forget about the things other people have that you might lack. In the wise words of Baz Luhrmann: "The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."

Aaaaand We're Back!

I haven't updated my blog in several days, and that's because my keyboard broke. Ugh! So I promptly ordered a new one and it arrived yesterday. Still getting used to the slightly different layout and the amount of pressure the keys require. I was making do with the On Screen Keyboard all week but didn't have the patience to type up a blog post with it, so forgive the lack of updates! I'll be blogging regularly again now.

Back to work...

Yes, I've been lax with my blog, but I have a good excuse this time. I've been sick with a cold and haven't had the energy to spend much time at the computer. I'm finally starting to feel better, and catching up on some writing.

I know this blog needs some re-vamping. I designed it quickly, and haven't even set up links or labels or any of that good stuff to help people, you know, actually navigate this darn thing. I'll get to it, honest. I know how badly it needs sprucing up.

What else is going on with me? Well, before I got sick I was trying to decide which Kindle to buy at Amazon.com. It's between the basic one (ahem, *cheapest* one) or the Kindle Keyboard. The idea of being able to take notes easily in books is appealing, but I wonder how much I'd really do that. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Oh well...back to writing...

Silly Little Blogger

Did I forget to mention how terrible I am at updating blogs? It's not that I don't want to or that it's time consuming, I just either forget or lose time in other things and just don't get around to it. Maybe it's just tough right now because I don't have much to update.

Maybe for now I'll talk about some of my writing goals. Yes, yes, that's the ticket! But first a quick rewind. Since it's my birthday next week, and I'm gonna be 29 (le gasp!), I realized it's been ten years since my first excursion into the publishing world. I'm not gonna go into details about that experience (yet...maybe someday), but I have to say it's been a long strange trip. Since I first started writing, I had a pretty modest dream about my writing career. I just wanted to be able to write and make a living. I never saw myself as the next Stephen King, making millions of dollars and becoming famous. To me, fame and celebrity attached to an author seems like a surreal thing. Writers have to delve within themselves to put pen to paper, and stay inside a world of their own creation. Many writers are introverts. Some are shy, and some are even socially phobic/anxious. I'd classify myself as all of these things. In group settings, I was never the social butterfly; I was the observer. I acted like a sponge and absorbed the nuances of people--the way they acted, the masks they wore, how they spoke, etc.

The reason why an author being a celebrity seems bizarre to me is because it makes the "observer" the "observed". Since I'm not famous, I can't weigh in personally on how this must feel. But I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't thrive on fame. Success, yes. Fame, no. I actually think Thomas Pynchon has the right idea. As a writer, I enjoy solitude. I've been called a hermit before. Doesn't bother me. I've often joked that I see myself becoming a crazy cat lady, living as a recluse. Hey, it could happen! The funny thing is, it doesn't even sound half-bad to me. Perhaps I need to start worrying for my sanity.

This has turned into an odd tangent. Going back to my writing goals, I've decided to try the e-publishing (self-publishing) route, once I finish with rewrites on my first novel. I've been going back and forth between deciding whether to seek a literary agent or self-publish, and in the end, I thought I'd give e-publishing a shot, since e-books seem to be the wave of the future. Once I get the ball rolling, I should have more to update on this blog.

Where The Journey Began

Hi. I'm Laura, and I'm a writer. When I tell people this, I often get the dreaded question of "Well, have you been published?" which can lead to a long story about past experiences or a more simple "Not yet, but hopefully someday." and leave it at that. I just want to say for the record that being published or unpublished doesn't make you any more or less a writer, and fellow writers will understand this. Writing is in the blood, in the soul, consumes the mind, and sets up house in your dreams. If you're writing to strike it rich or become famous, odds are you will be sorely disappointed. And if that's all writing is to you, you'd be better off buying some lottery tickets.

For me, my passion for writing began when I was a child, and the title of my blog is inspired by the events that led me to writing my first novel. When I was twelve, I made a very important decision: it was time to pack a way my toys and grow up. After all, soon I would be thirteen. ThirTEEN. Yes, a teenager. And certainly teenagers aren't supposed to play with toys. Teenage girls are supposed to learn how to apply makeup (still haven't), have slumber parties (never did), and start dating (yeah right). Oh boy! What fun being a teenager would be!

So, I got to work packing up my toys. The last and most painful ones to see banished into a cardboard box and eventually my closet were my Barbie dolls. I had neverending storylines going on with them...for years! I tried to wrap up the loose ends and put my mind at ease, but it was no good. When I went to bed that night, like so many nights before, I thought about the continuing saga I had developed through my dolls, and I nearly drove myself insane. Usually, the cliffhangers gave me something to look forward to the next day. I couldn't wait to come home from school and play with my toys and act out all the scenarios in my head. But the next day came, and the dolls weren't waiting for me. Oh, that's right. They'd been banished. I was too old for that stuff now.

 Every night was the same. I couldn't go to sleep, my mind raced with story ideas, and I had no outlet for them. Until finally one day, I sat down on my bed with a stack of notebook paper and started writing out my storylines...from the beginning. I got stuck after 30 pages, but I didn't give up. I took a break from it, and decided to take a different approach. I got my parents' electric typewriter and started typing away. The story came easier now. It was somehow clearer in my mind and more organized. 150 pages later, my first novella was complete. I was satisfied. The story was told. My dolls could rest in peace.

But of course, it didn't end there. I started writing another novel and another and another, and didn't stop. I never took a break from it during my teen years. And you know what? Being a teenager WAS fun, but not for any of the reasons I thought.

As hard as it was to come to terms with no longer being a child, and having to give up the play things I loved, I realized that something so wonderful came out of it. And even once those childish things are put away, they still live on in one way or another. For me, it's through writing. And what a magical journey it has been, and will hopefully continue to be.